Anarchy, the Devil’s Justice

Hi guys, it’s been a while. Life has been going on with it’s ups and downs, but yeah I am back with another powerful poem from someone who has featured previously on this website. Her name is Uyino ehiremhen and her work is just wow. This is a poem about the probable cause of the evil that is abuse meted out by an individual and a group, especially a group in the form of jungle justice.

The devil is the eye of chaos;

Master of the storm, he spreads the waves

Right from the home of the abuser

To the crowd seeking Justice

All he needs is his host of demons

One red guy for each shoulder

And he relishes each unfolding scene:

One blow after the next,

More hurtful words and cunning,

The one with the power delivers well

By the egging whispers of a demon.

No, he isn’t omnipresent

Yet his presence is everywhere,

From the home to the streets

The devil makes his moves.

A person screams after a crime

A noticed crime, maybe petty

And a chase is given.

If a quicker runner catches the accused

A crowd will gather.

Here, the devil’s whispers spread like a plague

Like cain’s curse to the mob.

All he needs to work is right here

And he wastes no time;

A Tyre, a lighter and fuel

And the right crowd mentality.

The mob is Stripped of humanity,

A person is Stripped of life.

We could call this the way of the jungle.

But it isn’t preying for food.

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Forever and A Day More

SCORE: Demi Lovato- “Heart by Heart”

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing”

– Proverbs 18:22

My Love,

It is said that when a man marries the wrong person he is finished but when he marries his soul mate then he is complete. I always dream of the day when our two become one and I can’t but hope that the day isn’t too far long. However, until then I can but console myself with the knowledge that our union is only being delayed to allow us grow to the point where we need to be to achieve full compatibility. Until then, there a few things I want to let you know;

I look forward to hearing you say ‘I do’ as we commit to spending the rest of our lives together.

I look forward to calling you beautiful every morning not just because i know you are, but because I know how it makes you feel.

I look forward to those lazy days in bed when we binge watch series and eat junk food all day.

I look forward to our trips to exotic locations because we love the taste of adventure.

I look forward to waking up to the smell of you next to me every morning .

I look forward to seeing the shine in your eyes when you talk about something that you’re passionate about.

I look forward to the messy kitchen when we try new recipes.

I look forward to hearing you say I am handsome because you know i struggle with my self-image.

I look forward to giving you foot rubs and back rubs when you have had those long days

I look forward to serving you breakfast in bed because you are my queen and deserve to be treated like one.

I look forward to seeing you smile when I make my lame attempts at being funny.

I look forward to you calling me names with that twinkle in your eyes and a smirk on your lips.

I look forward to those late night cuddles where we say nothing and just enjoy the comfort of being in each other’s presence.

I look forward to coming home every day and swapping stories about how our days went.

I look forward to our trips to the art galleries; you go for the art and I’m there for the free wine.

I look forward to every of our home DIY projects

I look forward to you stroking my head as I lie on your legs.

I look forward to waiting on you hands and feet in those periods when you’re down because your pain is my pain.

I look forward to feeling your arms around me because you know I like to be held.

I look forward to sharing every moment with you; every laughter , every tear, every success and every bump in the road.

I look forward to holding you tight when you are in one of your moods and reminding you that you are an absolute gem and can get over anything because you will do the same for me.

And most of all, I look forward to calling you mine.

I love you, my Queen.Forever and a day more.

 

 

 

GETTING THE COOKIE

For those of you who opened this expecting tales of rumps and sexcapades, sorry but not sorry. See I noticed that the only way to attract an audience when one is relatively unknown is to have a catchy title not exactly related to the article and as such I have employed the tactic employed by so many of the greats (Fox news I see you). A more apt title for this article would probably be “Getting but not wanting the cookie” but let’s stop all this cookie talk and actually go to the article proper shall we?

First things first; I am still a virgin. Yup, Vuh-jeen. You read that right and no, it’s not a typo. Yes, I like to go out on the weekends and yes, I occasionally indulge in a drink or two (or more…probably more…definitely more). Yes, I go clubbing, house parties and know how to have a great time because really, all we get is one life (‘YOLO’ is too mainstream). I also happen to have a good number of women in my life and as a result people think that I get down to the dirty a lot. Nope. I never have and am not likely to before the day I say “I do” to the love of my life (yes, I’m also a romantic. Judge me not). Mind you, this is not a matter of religion, at least it no longer is. When I was younger I believed that as a Christian, one must keep pure till marriage but over the years I realized that virginity is not equal to purity. To be honest, I may have engaged in some heavy petting which despite not being ‘sex’ itself, has basically eroded any form of sexual purity I may lay claim to having (what can I say? Konji is a bastard) but I haven’t still done the do so technically, I am still a member of the VirginsAreUs Club. In hindsight, I do apologise to those ladies I left with the female equivalent of ‘blue balls’.

PS: If you say you are keeping yourself for marriage in order to obey the bible and you engage in oral sex, I’m sorry to tell you this but you are not because in the eyes of God, all is still sexual immorality.

I have had the opportunity on several occasions to have sex (I’m not exactly ugly and unattractive) but I just don’t want to. I guess it’s probably as a result of it being pounded into my psyche that sex is not just a physical act. Sex is definitely spiritual and bruh, I don’t play with things of the spirit. Sex was created by God, the big man Himself to be between a man and his wife and you must know that it has a significance spiritually. Now I’m not judging anyone, we each have freedom to believe and do what we feel is right but for me sex is not something to be taken lightly. It is not something that I feel can be shared with just anyone not to talk of with many people (again, that’s just me) but then what do I know, after all I am vastly inexperienced when it comes to such things. All I do know is that if I am so lucky, I would like my first time to be with the woman I am going to spend the rest of my life with, the one with whom my life will be incomplete without, the mother of my children.  It really is not an easy journey, there have been days where if I had gotten the chance, I would definitely have bust a nut or two in someone (excuse the analogy) but (un)luckily, there always seems to be a scarcity of lassies on such days. I do not know if I would actually make it to my wedding day but even if I don’t, at least I can say to myself that in this one thing, despite my lack of self-control in almost every other aspect of my life, I have been able to hold on for this long.

To those out there on a similar-esque journey, biko how do you make it through the hard days? Please feel free to comment below and share. If I have offended anyone by reason of this post, then please feel free to go couple with the nearest transformer because I am unapologetic.

Special thanks to Mr Osinowo for the edit.

I remain the same,

The Literary Virgin Engineer.

 

Feature Post: Seeing Red

Hi guys, this week we have a feature post from a very beautiful and talented writer by the name of Uyino Ehiremhen. I tried to get her to write an introduction for the post which she BLATANTLY refused to do and so here I am trying to do my best. She had been writing for some years and this would be the first time publishing something online. She is a lover of art and recently hosted an art show some months back which was quite a success. From a personal perspective, this post has some deep emotion and the first time I read it I was just like “wow”. Enough talk, I hope you enjoy this and please comment and share. God bless.

One word,

The camel’s back was broken.

One hit,

I threw out my cloak of humanity.

My crimson eyes went hazy,

I became a monster.

It went on and on…

I heard her bones crunch,

My fists did that damage.

I felt her silky skin give,

Right under my coarse palms.

The angel on my shoulder was quiet now.

I didn’t listen before the transition,

So the devil was my guide.

I followed.

He wanted to feel the blood, I felt it.

She cried out for mercy,

But her screams only fueled his blood lust.

I went in harder.

And it went on and on…

I killed my wife.

And when people ask why,

I say “it was the work of the devil”.

Woman Crush Wednesday

Hi guys, it’s me again. Firstly I would like to apologise for my long absence which is as a result of a combination of both writers block and my master’s degree. turns out doing a master’s degree is no walk in the park and one has to dedicate a lot of time and energy into it , figures. Anyways, I was walking back from a friend’s place after a much-needed cheeky Nando’s (work was bare stressful today yo), listening to Brymo’s  Klitoris (Banging album by the way) when the idea for this article popped into my painkiller addled brain (I forgot to mention that I’ve been having headaches all day so I decided to pop three pills of ibuprofen).

So basically, this article is sort of an appreciation thread (I use the word loosely) dedicated to the lovely ladies *coughs* who have at some time in the past or present been my woman crush. I originally thought of doing this on twitter but decided instead to do it on here because twitter is a long thing. I do hope you enjoy this little write-up and please do like and comment once you are done. Enjoy.

DISCLAIMER: For the safety of the author as well as to protect the identities of the crushes, names and locations have been changed. *I cannot come and die at the hand of a certain somebodies biko*

  1. THE EX: For me the most obvious way to start this list is to talk about the one crush that I was able to successfully convert into bae, the one and only ex. I still wonder how I was able to seize her because damn that lady was and is a dime, a solid 10. She has the body, smarts and fashion sense to slay anybody and to top it all baby girl is tall ♥♥♥ . However, as a result of my emotional immaturity and stupidity I broke it off with her and lost the only girl who ever told me “I love you”.I still regret it from time to time but then the past is past and one can only move forward seeing as baby girl has long since moved on 😥 
  2. THE BEST GIRL I NEVER HAD: Man, have you ever met that one girl who made you want to clean up your act, get focused and get into a serious relationship. /that one girl that makes you want to risk it all. For me, she was that one girl. I always used to call her by a name usually attributed to a popular area in Lagos  [hint:it’s on the mainland]. This lady is tall, beautiful, smart, kind-hearted , an avid reader and man when she smiles *sighs* she could melt the heart of any white walker *lol..bants*. Long story short, I was in the friend zone and tried to get out of it in the worst manner conceivable and almost completely jeopardized the friendship. Safe to say that boat has sailed and we are still picking up the pieces but truly, she was the best girl I never had.
  3. THE FASHION DESIGNER: Eyshh…only people in my very inner circle know the story between me and this lady. Let me describe her to you; tall, slender, dark topped off with sultry lips *winks* , this lady was the complete package. She was one of them girls that puberty did a big solid and damn did she know. Truth be told sh had what it took to be a supermodel but rather chose to be on the other side of the walkway and she was good at what she did. We sort of hooked up since we were both feeling ourselves and I say sort of because we never did the DEED seeing as mans is saving himself for marriage but man to be honest that as probably the closest I ever came to losing my virginity and boy that was one of the hardest  decisions I have ever had to make. *phew*
  4. TEAM LAISKEEN: Now this is one girl I can never forget and Ii would tell you just why. This lady was such a good kisser that she literally took my breath away and just so you know I am no slouch myself in that department *just saying*. You know what yh, the very first time I kissed this lady, I was literally confused for a few seconds later…that’s just how good it was. Man, this girl was an excellent kisser and I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that I have a thing for tall girls and she was no exception to the rule. I was so ready to seize and be seized but due to logistics issues, we never became an item. Have no fear, there is still hope for the future at least I think there is *smirks*
  5. OBO: So this particular lady crush was one of them davido level OBO gang. You know them ones whose parents net worth are undisclosed for safety reasons and who spare no expenses with regards to their kids. Fam, this babe had a house in London and drove a white Mercedes. Safe to say the kind of LSE I was having will be known by many people on here. Maddest thing was that this lady and her siblings are all humble and easy-going. I guess that was what took me in, I mean here’s a girl who could easily buy all I had to my name with the change from her allowance and yet she did not show any form of pride. In case you have not figured it out yet, she was also tall ( What can I say , I have a type). In the end, it did not go beyond a crush because home girl was not even remotely interested in a brother beyond just friendship *cries in crushed dreams*.
  6. THE BRITISH-NIGERIAN: So this lady is one of the more recent crushes that a man has had. I   happened to meet baby girl during the orientation week at my university as she was one of the student ambassadors. I cannot even lie, it was crush at first sight because you know baby girl was exactly my type; tall,beautiful, hot with an awesome personality to match. Started chatting and exchanging dm’s and some few weeks later made out at a house party but that was the extent of that. I was looking for a relationship and she was not so we went our separate ways. We still chat from time to time and a man is still crushing hard.
  7. MISS SEXY-VOICE: I met this lady crush at one of them Lagos events which shall not be named [Hint: it involved football]. Anyways, this babe had one of them coke bottle figures you only see on Dr. Miami and it was all natural. I will not lie, that was what attracted me initially but then she was also a funny girl and yes you guessed it, tall. *cheeky smile*. As expected, your boy crushed hard but it was never meant to be Turns out we click as just friends and nothing more but that does not mean I will not check out that behind from time to time *evil grin*
  8. THE ONE WITH MY MUMU BUTTON: Boys and girls, we all have had that person or persons who have access to one’s well talked about mumu button. This lady had my mumu button and knew how to use it. In my defense, the lady was hot, smart and understood my twisted sense of humor. It was almost like a match made in heaven, I stood no chance. It sort of worked out between us and it did not work out. Life took us in different directions but we still check in from time to time just to get the blood riled up every few months *side eye*
  9. THE ATHLETE: Hmmm, this lady, this very lady. Summary is she was sporty, a looker and obviously very toned at least in my opinion. Err bet, she had a boyfriend who apart from being my “guy” was also a gym buff who could easily floor me with both hands and legs tied behind his back (I exaggerate but you get the point). By the time I finally could step up to her (they had broken up oh,I am not a savage), home girl was already moving halfway around the world. Not like that stopped me from crushing but now I crush from afar *laughs*.
  10. MY MAN’S CONTROL: This one I am not exactly proud to write about because it is meant to be bros before girls but the thing is if I want something or someone I will go for what I want regardless. So here was this girl whom my guy was publicly chasing while I was low-key DMing on the sly. Long story short we sort of maybe hooked up over the summer (no sex obviously) after several 18+ text messages. It sort of fizzled out after that because a man had other priorities at the time.
  11. THE VERY GOOD BAD GIRL: See ehn, the way I started crushing on this girl was just unexpected because it started out like play like play. I met her through a friend of a friend who liked her and while the crew was hanging out I playfully remarked that I was going to get her once the other guy left. Like joke like joke I started crushing on this girl and we did make out once at a house party but it never clicked. She felt awkward because of the other guy , not like I cared , but we did stay friends.              P.S. She said I’m a good kisser *winks*
  12. THE SAVAGE: First got to know this girl through twitter as she was one of them twitter celebs who just did not give a hoot. She said what she wanted and dragged people who wanted to attack her,she basically gave it as good as she got. Circumstances brought us together and after getting to know her, found out she was a very chilled person in real life (“I am not my tweets”) and a man started crushing on baby girl. We clicked, things went smoothly and the last time we saw physically , the only reason I did not misbehave was that I did not drive down to the event we were at. Alas, baby girl moved across the pond and has evolved into a full-blown savage, pulling bodies left and right, male and female. I can only watch from afar and applaud *claps slowly*
  13. THE A-STUDENT: This particular woman crush I met during that period of self-discovery also known as NYSC. She was a first class graduate from a prestigious Nigerian university and what first drew me to her was her hair (she had a big ass afro) and her wit. We were on and off through the period (at least in my mind) but we never actually clicked. NYSC finished and we went our separate ways but I still chat her up now and then just to say hello.
  14. BLACK WARRIOR: If this particular lady crush of mine ever does read this article, she will definitely catch her sub and so help me God when she does. So here’s the thing, this lady is unique because she falls outside my self-described “spec”. Basically, this woman crush is not tall and I’m not talking a bit shorter than me, I’m talking a whole foot shorter than I am. But you know what, she more than makes up for that in her strength of character, her smarts , her love for God and most of all her sense of humor. We were sort of introduced by a friend of mine (long story) and we just sort of clicked you know. Now, seeing as my inability to voice my thoughts had made me carry last on many previous occasions, I tried a different tactic this time. Fam, the ELA was hot you know, fair but hot. Long story short, she might like me but she is not looking for a relationship. Truth be told, I seemingly brushed it off like a man’s man but inside the thing dey pain. Nevertheless, I am still crushing on black warrior and who knows, something might just happen in the future. *Upside down Smile*
  15. MY QUEEN: *Drumroll* Last but definitely not the least on the list is the lady I usually call my queen, the queen of my life *inserts heart emoji* This lady is my wife goal and I keep telling her that I am going to marry her at some point in the future despite the fact that she has told me no several times . She just does not seem to understand that I will not take no for an answer and will keep pestering her till she relents. I mean what is there not to like about this lady She sings beautifully, dances magnificently, writes magically , is smart , has a kind heart and her love for God is real. If that is not wife goals then please what is?? But..and there is obviously one but…she says she is not remotely attracted to your boy  *cries in heartbreak*  However, a man is dedicating the next three months of his life to converting this his SUPER PAC into a SIX PAC. Maybe, just maybe, that will change her mind but who knows.

Thank you for taking the time to read my little article and please feel free to comment and share with friends.

NOTICE: This post is a product of the author’s psychotic and sociopathic mind and as a result has not been checked for its accuracy or truthfulness. The author cannot be held responsible for its contents nor any undesirable outcome from reading it. Any likeness or resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Ngwanu bye-bye.

I Have Marley Twists in My Hair. [A Poem]

The Davina Oriakhi

I have marley twists in my hair

more than just a tint of grey (or silver), long enough to almost be sat on,

full enough to cushion my skull

I have marley twists in my hair

a choice I made to aid my journey to God given afro curls through transitioning protection against the cold weather

I have marley twists in my hair

I have chosen not to wear a weave or wear a wig because as we all claim, I have a choice … to what I do with my hair

I have marley twists in my hair

I am seeking employment

My hair serves as either a hindrance or non existing factor to potential employment

I have marley twists in my hair

It could be seen as odd, intriguing, cool, scary… or most likely “unprofessional”

I have marley twists in my hair

installing them on this head wasn’t cheap…

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