GETTING THE COOKIE

For those of you who opened this expecting tales of rumps and sexcapades, sorry but not sorry. See I noticed that the only way to attract an audience when one is relatively unknown is to have a catchy title not exactly related to the article and as such I have employed the tactic employed by so many of the greats (Fox news I see you). A more apt title for this article would probably be “Getting but not wanting the cookie” but let’s stop all this cookie talk and actually go to the article proper shall we?

First things first; I am still a virgin. Yup, Vuh-jeen. You read that right and no, it’s not a typo. Yes, I like to go out on the weekends and yes, I occasionally indulge in a drink or two (or more…probably more…definitely more). Yes, I go clubbing, house parties and know how to have a great time because really, all we get is one life (‘YOLO’ is too mainstream). I also happen to have a good number of women in my life and as a result people think that I get down to the dirty a lot. Nope. I never have and am not likely to before the day I say “I do” to the love of my life (yes, I’m also a romantic. Judge me not). Mind you, this is not a matter of religion, at least it no longer is. When I was younger I believed that as a Christian, one must keep pure till marriage but over the years I realized that virginity is not equal to purity. To be honest, I may have engaged in some heavy petting which despite not being ‘sex’ itself, has basically eroded any form of sexual purity I may lay claim to having (what can I say? Konji is a bastard) but I haven’t still done the do so technically, I am still a member of the VirginsAreUs Club. In hindsight, I do apologise to those ladies I left with the female equivalent of ‘blue balls’.

PS: If you say you are keeping yourself for marriage in order to obey the bible and you engage in oral sex, I’m sorry to tell you this but you are not because in the eyes of God, all is still sexual immorality.

I have had the opportunity on several occasions to have sex (I’m not exactly ugly and unattractive) but I just don’t want to. I guess it’s probably as a result of it being pounded into my psyche that sex is not just a physical act. Sex is definitely spiritual and bruh, I don’t play with things of the spirit. Sex was created by God, the big man Himself to be between a man and his wife and you must know that it has a significance spiritually. Now I’m not judging anyone, we each have freedom to believe and do what we feel is right but for me sex is not something to be taken lightly. It is not something that I feel can be shared with just anyone not to talk of with many people (again, that’s just me) but then what do I know, after all I am vastly inexperienced when it comes to such things. All I do know is that if I am so lucky, I would like my first time to be with the woman I am going to spend the rest of my life with, the one with whom my life will be incomplete without, the mother of my children.  It really is not an easy journey, there have been days where if I had gotten the chance, I would definitely have bust a nut or two in someone (excuse the analogy) but (un)luckily, there always seems to be a scarcity of lassies on such days. I do not know if I would actually make it to my wedding day but even if I don’t, at least I can say to myself that in this one thing, despite my lack of self-control in almost every other aspect of my life, I have been able to hold on for this long.

To those out there on a similar-esque journey, biko how do you make it through the hard days? Please feel free to comment below and share. If I have offended anyone by reason of this post, then please feel free to go couple with the nearest transformer because I am unapologetic.

Special thanks to Mr Osinowo for the edit.

I remain the same,

The Literary Virgin Engineer.